Speaker: Robin Shear, Joy Coach, Speaker, Joy To The World Coaching
Please share your Name, Title, Company, and where you are based out of.
Robin Shear: Hey, my name is Robin Sheer, and I am a life coach who specializes in helping people to find more joy. I'm also a speaker and a budding author, and I own the company, Joy to the World Coaching, which is based right here out of my home in rural michigan.
What age were you and how you were bullied?
Robin Shear: so it's really not fun to talk about, but I was bullied for several years. I was bullied in elementary school and especially in middle school and I hung out with a group of girls who just kind of like to throw each other under the bus at times. It was always this power struggle between a few girls in particular and they just like to start these wars where one person would become the target and then all of the girls in the group had to choose a side. You're either with this girl or against this girl and I was a really easy target. Um, I was, I wore my heart right on my sleeve and when I was hurting, I could not hide it and I heard quite easily because I love quite fully and so it didn't take much and they knew it. And so yeah, it was really common for myself to be kind of that person in the middle and it wasn't um, super uncommon to just see all of the girls kind of head off on the side of not sticking up for me and not wanting to be my friend. And so I spent a lot of lunch hours alone in elementary school and then a middle school. Um, I was just really desperate and really just trying to find new friends and people who just wanted to be with me and um, you know, it led to some bad decisions, things that I'm not proud of. Um, you know, I hung out with boys just to get their attention and I remember in particular, there was this one day that I think I was in probably 7th grade and walked into school real early in the morning and I got to my locker and there was this handwritten sign right on my locker and it called me all kinds of horrible names for spending time with boys and it was just really nasty and I was just kind of stunned. It was early in the morning and I didn't even know how people had gotten in the building and when I went to open up my locker, you know, I did the combination and I opened my locker and all of my books like spilled out onto the floor and there were more things hanging up inside of my whole locker, all of these accusatory statements and really hurtful things written out and I felt so violated because it was my personal space and I didn't know how they got my combination or anything else or who they were and you know, I found out eventually who they were and you know, it was really interesting because the girl who kind of initiated, it wasn't even in my friend group and the girls who kind of followed her just followed her because it was fun and they found it to be kind of entertaining to just kind of find a target and laugh and I just, man, I spent so many lunches by myself eating in the bathroom that year. I had other difficulties that year as well, and my lunch memories of that particular year are spent in the bathroom by myself. I couldn't face the lunch room because I didn't know if anybody was going to want to sit by me. And it was really painful. And I really considered many times ending my life because it was all I knew in the moment.
How did the bullying impact you?
Robin Shear: how the bullying impacted me in such an interesting question, and I'll be honest, I really never gave it a whole lot of thought until right now, but in the moment it had a negative impact of course, um down the road it impacted me quite positively because it's the difficult stuff that we endure in life that positions us to be helpful to other people. Um anybody who has had a difficulty is going to be way more sensitive to the needs of people who are experiencing difficulty. And it positioned me beautifully to walk beside other people who were hurting, especially later in my career. And so, you know, I think that it really shaped my thinking and it helped me to kind of know what to look out for, and it gave me a mountain of empathy and help me to understand that those feelings are very real and should not be dismissed and minimized and blown off, and you know, a person who is in the middle of pain, that's what they know, that's all they can see and the rest of us on the outside, looking in, you know, we can see the bigger picture beyond those moments of pain and so, having been through that helps me to be with people who are in the midst of the pain and I can help them to know that these moments are going to get better, the situation will change, It's not always going to be like that. And so I think the biggest impact that it's had is I'm a carrier of hope because I've been through it and I can help other people won't get through it as well.
What would you say to your younger self now to give you hope that you will be ok and a success?
Robin Shear: I'm going to do my best to get through this question, but it's a really good one and I'm glad that you asked it and I hope that the people who are watching this video are already starting to ask themselves this question and think about how later in life they might look back on their situation and encourage themselves, it's going to happen, you will get through this and you will be able to have hope again. And so I think, you know, looking back what I would say to my own self is it is not going to feel like this forever, it might seem like it's going to, but it is not the case. In fact, it goes by a lot faster than you think it's going to and so have hope that it might be hard for a little while, but that you really are strong enough to get through the hardest stuff, It's not going to take you down and there are going to be people who do care and sometimes they're quiet. You might not realize until much later that people are watching from a distance and it seems like everybody is against you, but there are people who really do care and they just don't know how to show it, but eventually they will and it will make such a big difference. And the other thing I would say to myself is get out of the bathroom because you're not the only one, oh my gosh! There are so many people going through this, they need you and you need them just think of how well you could support each other if you would get out of the bathroom. So yeah, I would say get out and live your life and stop living in fear and to open your eyes to those around you who may be experiencing this that you can do life with this could bring about so much goodness in the end.